Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Funniest Christmas Cards...EVER!

Goodness gracious people. I started this last week and never finished it. So I'm posting as is. That way I can add this to my New Year's Resolution of blogging at least 3 times/week.

Hey, did y'all know Christmas is in a few days?

I thought I would help y'all get in the holiday spirit. My friend Mallory send me this website. She actually knows the guy. This is what Mal said about it, "These are funny and REAL Christmas cards sent by OU Alum Kenny Shore.  He tries to top himself every year.  Kenny is a friend of my dad's and very funny. He has been sending out cards for almost 20 years. My family gets very excited every year in anticipation of the card."

Without further adieu, I give you my favorites of The Shore Christmas Cards


Every other Christmas card I got back then from my friends featured a handsome fella, his pretty blonde wife and their adorable kids all decked out in holiday sweaters sitting in front of their fireplace, golden retriever at their side.

I couldn’t relate.

So I decided to show ‘em how Christmas was celebrated at Ken Shore’s house, by God. I emptied out a few bottles that just happened to be laying around and created a typical night there at 1218 Barnard Drive.

I had no idea what I’d started.

Favorite Captions:

+ Every night is the “Fifth” night of Christmas around here.

+ Sleeping it off in heavenly peace.


People had already started asking about a follow-up to the “Fifth” night of Christmas card. There was a tattoo parlor about a block from my office downtown. Who knows where the inspiration came from for this one.

My art director/partner Bill Verrill did the painting on my arm. Then we headed over to Las Vegas Tattoo Parlor where this guy “Doc” was cool enough to play along. Bill snapped the shot here.

Favorite Caption:

+ Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.


Most people think I’m responsible for the twisted ideas behind these cards. And up to this year, they would have been right. But my sweet-as-pie, Catholic-as-the-Pope wife came up with this one. “Here’s what I’m thinking,” she said to me one night in late November. “The card has you and your friends all watching a stripper in our house. Then I come in unexpectedly early from an evening of Christmas shopping and surprise you all.” If the first words out of my mouth that very second weren’t, “Woman, I love you!” they should have been.

Once again, Wes came through on this one, providing the photography, the lighting and the stripper.

For some reason, the thing came together so fast that I wound up calling everyone at the last minute. Ordinarily, I couldn’t have gotten these guys to help me do anything more than, maybe, drain a bottle of whiskey. But when I explained what I needed help with (staring at a naked woman in my living room with my wife’s blessing) they all showed up without hesitation, no matter what they already had going on that night. Mike Lawrence (second row, showing titty of his own) for instance, had just had his wisdom teeth pulled that very day. He shows up, pain and all. Chris Weir (second row, blue sweater, white boa) was celebrating his birthday that day. He told his wife that birthday dinner plans had changed. Similarly, Jesse Leeds (front row, cigar in hand) had a babysitter that night and he and his wife were going to have the first quiet romantic dinner out together since the kids were born. “Sorry, baby, my man Ken needs me.” Jim Snyder (front row, red bow, dollar in mouth) even brought his wife along. As for Bill George (front row center…best seat in the house) and Tom Hawley (back row, hiding his boner), when I called each of them on the phone, I think they appeared at my front door before I even got the word “stripper” out of my mouth.

On a tragic note, take a look at where everyone is looking. All my boys (and even my wife) get to stare at the stripper’s bare chest. Who’s the only person in the room who doesn’t get to feast eyes on the boobs? Pity. I heard they were fantastic.

Favorite Captions:

+ Uh-oh!
+ D-I-V-O-R-C-E

Those are just a few of my favorites. Go to his blog and check out the rest!